End of the year

It’s the end of the year and I’m all packed up and moving out this evening. It’s been a an amazing year and though I’ve had my tough moments, I’ve loved it. It’s been a good growing season. I’ve been stretched in places I didn’t know I could stretch. But God has been faithful to me, even in my low moments where I gripped and complained. He’s so good to me still.

My summer plans? Get a job. My life has been thrown into a loop these past two weeks but I was reminded to keep looking at this as my adventure. My life adventure that I dreamed and fantasized about all growing up. And now here I am… not where I thought I’d be, or doing what I thought I’d be doing. But I am happy. I’m taking it moment by moment and asking God to reveal himself in these moments.

Jeremiah 29:11-13

11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

This scripture is probably one of my favorites because it reminds me of several things. 1. I’m not in control. 2. God has a better plan for my life then I do. 3. All I have to do is seek him out, and he’ll be there for me.

God is still God

Here I am at the end of this year. This past college experience has been... well an experience. I've met amazing people and God's challenged me in many different ways. As I pack up my things and look at the new adventure I'm about to embark on as the summer rolls around I think back to where I was a year ago. How I've always marveled at peoples stories of things they've done in there past and here I am looking at where I've been and what I've done so far and I'm seeing how our stories form and how they make us what we are.

I was stressing these past couple of months about so many things, and now that the things I was stressing about are here I'm not as stressed as I should be. Or thought I would be. I have wonderful people in my life who have this amazing ability of keeping me on my feet and not allow me to go crazy and over think things. And remind me of the way I use to look at these situations happening around me.

Moving is an adventure, and though it has its scary moments... I think to what my dreams are. Of traveling and ministering... and this here little moment scarred me? Then when God brings my dreams around what would I do with them? How would I respond in the transition time?

I've caught myself going back into old habits and I'm fighting it. God's called me to this adventure and I have to look at it with excitement and passion and not fear. This is going to be a good season. This has been a good season. God is still God, and I am his daughter.

tired

film shoots are exhausting.... just incase you were unaware of it

Process

It always the same thing.. Satan always hits me with everything at the same time. And he waits until I'm tired and exhausted to do it. To when I'm already at a weak vulnerable spot. And it gets me down. I would be lying if I said it wasn't a downer. But through my struggle I remember his promises that I am his child. That he loves me and has great plans for me. And even though this is a broken season a season where i feel like I'm being stripped and stretched and pulled in every direction, it's going to be a good thing. And Satan only attacks because he's scared of the God thing that's coming.

I'm working on my relationships and trying to be more open and honest instead of hiding like I tend to do and yes even though I brush a lot of things off my shoulders, it's not all healthy to do. I don’t always have to be strong and tough. And it scares me to be in this place of brokenness but I need it. I need t to see the things God wants me to get rid of. The deep things that I didn’t realize still had root in my life.

This is a painful season and adding school and friends and family and all of there things into the mix doesn’t make it easier. But it's a good a pain. The pain you feel after your body's had a good work out. It hurts but you know that it means things are changing in your body and you're getting healthier and better fit. These are the same spiritual pains I seem to have of late.

Uncomfortable, draining and exhausting, but good pain. Pain, that once I get through with it and breathe through it, I will be a stronger person. A different person. A better person.

It took me a while to see what this process was but I see it now. And seeing that its going to be good in the end is why I’m still fighting and sticking with it. Because if I give up now... then Satan wins. And if I give up now.. I’m saying that I didn’t trust God to take care of me and to provide for me. if i give up then I’m saying that I don’t believe God is who he says he is and that he wont keep his word to me. Me call God a liar? The thought devastates my spirit man.

I know how good my God is. And I know he would never give me anything I couldn’t handle. And I know that even when I can’t seem to hear what he's saying… He’s still by my side… He’s still in every breeze and every laugh and every moment I take to see what he's created. And what he's already done in my life.

I'm in my process, and I’m not the only one in this place. I'm not alone. God didn’t create us to handle things alone. And that's good.

No.

That's great.

Hank you God for being me God, and taking care of me and protecting me even in my own mistakes.

Love Jessica