Update on life...

So Update;

I have been struggling attending Regent due to tuition. God blessed me with an amazing year. And it was an amazing learning experience, but I struggled financially. Unlike most students I do not have a co-signer for a loan. And to be honest my family and I do not agree with co0signing because of the scripture that talks about not putting your neighbor in debt. So I worked on scholarships and such but didn’t get anything. I looked all year for a job and didn’t get one until school was out. Well Regent kept sending me letters and calling asking me if I knew I had an outstanding balance. I kept in touch with me financial advisor thinking that she was a go between, but then I got busy with finals and dropped the ball. Well Regent gave my account to a collection agency and because the agency gets 25% they raised my tuition price $2500. So my father got prepaid legal involved and we are trying to settle this. I know I owe regent the money, we are just disputing the extra that was tacked on. Plus trying to figure out payments considering I barley make enough to pay my monthly rent, food, and gas, I’m running out of options. Oh did I mention this affects my credit report? Yep this hits my credit report this Thursday on the 22^nd. Although thankfully my lawyers sent the collection agency a letter so on my credit report it should only say that there is a dispute going on. In the mean time I’m collecting any and all paperwork I signed and got from Regent concerning finances. It’s a sticky situation.

How am I feeling? I have my good days and my not so good days. God is defiantly teaching me to rely only on him and he’s building my faith. I keep thinking of how I’d survive in Africa with no money or bare minimum... because I am cutting back a lot and living on as little as possible.

I’ve been looking at things I could do, I sent out support letters but never heard anything back. I don’t even know if people did anything with them. But that’s ok I did what I felt God wanted me to do. At the moment I’m at a stand still and just waiting.

There’s a lot of varying factors and this can go in so many directions.

As far as school goes I can’t return until it’s all paid off, understandably. So I’m just gonna be living here for a while working I guess. It’s a predicament to be sure. But God has a plan and I’m trusting in Him because there’s really not much I can do.

And no I cant get another loan because of the co-signer thing, no I cant get a grant at least I haven’t been able to as of yet, and a scholarships will only cover this upcoming year not this past year. So thinking of fundraisers and things I could sell that would give me some money to start paying off the debt.

Any suggestions are welcomed and of course prayer is always welcomed.

Thanks for listening to my splurge J Have a great day!

What I found inside myself...

Distraction- that which distracts, divides the attention, or prevents concentration…

I’ve gotten distracted from why God sent me here. I got distracted from the promise God made me. I lost my focus.

Insipid- Lacking qualities that excite, stimulate, or interest; dull.

I found my life to be insipid. I got distracted by insipidity. How can that happen? Well I stopped looking ahead and started focusing on the now. In a bad way.

Purpose- the reason for which something exists or is done, made, used…

I was made for a purpose. God told me to come here for a purpose. I loss track of that by getting all caught up in everyone else’s business.

Dear friends, bloggers, readers. I’m human. I am not perfect. I care, a lot, and have allowed people to take that for granted. I feel intensely… I am an artist and so therefore emotion is a huge part of my life. I care for all of you, but I cant always be there and give you advice. And to be honest, it gets exhausting sometimes. And I get all caught up more because I feel like nothing is happening in my life. But it’s not true. I lied to myself. I allowed myself to get distracted because I didn’t want to face those things that I knew I needed to deal with.

It’s true that I did have many things I learned and dealt with this last year and many of, if not all, of you have helped in one way or another. But there was something that I continued to struggle with that I kept pushing aside thinking that it was me trusting God. But I wasn’t. I was scarred and didn’t have answers so I ignored the problem hoping by some providence that it would handle itself. But it didn’t. And now its come to this…

My name is Jessica Myers. I am not perfect. And money and finances scare me. No, they terrify me. Well they did. Then one day I finally sat down and told God my real problem. And I was ashamed of what I said. It was horrible and disrespectful to the great God that I serve. But you know what he did, he told me “thank you, thank you for finally being honest.” He knew all along what my problem was. And he just held me as I cried it all out. And then he looked me in the face and reminded me of what he had already done. And He showed me why He was gonna take care of me. Not how, but why… It’s really the most important thing ever, I think, for every situation where I doubt in Him. Where we doubt in Him.

Love. He loves us. How cliché I know, but I’ve come to the point several times in my life where I realized that I didn’t actually understand His love for me. And I don’t mean mentally. I can rationalize and theologize it over and over. But when I move past the intellectual and move into those deep parts of my heart that I hide from even myself, I find that I don’t understand His love for me.

And now, I wont say that I 100% do know his love, because if I did I think I would be a very different person. But I understand it on a new level and I know that as I grow, I will continue to learn and better understand this love he has for me.

I’m not scarred anymore of what’s going to happen with this situation in my life. If it’s taken to court then its taken to court. God will give me favor and grace. He will honor his promise to me. To take care of me. No matter what.