What I found inside myself...

Distraction- that which distracts, divides the attention, or prevents concentration…

I’ve gotten distracted from why God sent me here. I got distracted from the promise God made me. I lost my focus.

Insipid- Lacking qualities that excite, stimulate, or interest; dull.

I found my life to be insipid. I got distracted by insipidity. How can that happen? Well I stopped looking ahead and started focusing on the now. In a bad way.

Purpose- the reason for which something exists or is done, made, used…

I was made for a purpose. God told me to come here for a purpose. I loss track of that by getting all caught up in everyone else’s business.

Dear friends, bloggers, readers. I’m human. I am not perfect. I care, a lot, and have allowed people to take that for granted. I feel intensely… I am an artist and so therefore emotion is a huge part of my life. I care for all of you, but I cant always be there and give you advice. And to be honest, it gets exhausting sometimes. And I get all caught up more because I feel like nothing is happening in my life. But it’s not true. I lied to myself. I allowed myself to get distracted because I didn’t want to face those things that I knew I needed to deal with.

It’s true that I did have many things I learned and dealt with this last year and many of, if not all, of you have helped in one way or another. But there was something that I continued to struggle with that I kept pushing aside thinking that it was me trusting God. But I wasn’t. I was scarred and didn’t have answers so I ignored the problem hoping by some providence that it would handle itself. But it didn’t. And now its come to this…

My name is Jessica Myers. I am not perfect. And money and finances scare me. No, they terrify me. Well they did. Then one day I finally sat down and told God my real problem. And I was ashamed of what I said. It was horrible and disrespectful to the great God that I serve. But you know what he did, he told me “thank you, thank you for finally being honest.” He knew all along what my problem was. And he just held me as I cried it all out. And then he looked me in the face and reminded me of what he had already done. And He showed me why He was gonna take care of me. Not how, but why… It’s really the most important thing ever, I think, for every situation where I doubt in Him. Where we doubt in Him.

Love. He loves us. How cliché I know, but I’ve come to the point several times in my life where I realized that I didn’t actually understand His love for me. And I don’t mean mentally. I can rationalize and theologize it over and over. But when I move past the intellectual and move into those deep parts of my heart that I hide from even myself, I find that I don’t understand His love for me.

And now, I wont say that I 100% do know his love, because if I did I think I would be a very different person. But I understand it on a new level and I know that as I grow, I will continue to learn and better understand this love he has for me.

I’m not scarred anymore of what’s going to happen with this situation in my life. If it’s taken to court then its taken to court. God will give me favor and grace. He will honor his promise to me. To take care of me. No matter what.