Update on life...

So Update;

I have been struggling attending Regent due to tuition. God blessed me with an amazing year. And it was an amazing learning experience, but I struggled financially. Unlike most students I do not have a co-signer for a loan. And to be honest my family and I do not agree with co0signing because of the scripture that talks about not putting your neighbor in debt. So I worked on scholarships and such but didn’t get anything. I looked all year for a job and didn’t get one until school was out. Well Regent kept sending me letters and calling asking me if I knew I had an outstanding balance. I kept in touch with me financial advisor thinking that she was a go between, but then I got busy with finals and dropped the ball. Well Regent gave my account to a collection agency and because the agency gets 25% they raised my tuition price $2500. So my father got prepaid legal involved and we are trying to settle this. I know I owe regent the money, we are just disputing the extra that was tacked on. Plus trying to figure out payments considering I barley make enough to pay my monthly rent, food, and gas, I’m running out of options. Oh did I mention this affects my credit report? Yep this hits my credit report this Thursday on the 22^nd. Although thankfully my lawyers sent the collection agency a letter so on my credit report it should only say that there is a dispute going on. In the mean time I’m collecting any and all paperwork I signed and got from Regent concerning finances. It’s a sticky situation.

How am I feeling? I have my good days and my not so good days. God is defiantly teaching me to rely only on him and he’s building my faith. I keep thinking of how I’d survive in Africa with no money or bare minimum... because I am cutting back a lot and living on as little as possible.

I’ve been looking at things I could do, I sent out support letters but never heard anything back. I don’t even know if people did anything with them. But that’s ok I did what I felt God wanted me to do. At the moment I’m at a stand still and just waiting.

There’s a lot of varying factors and this can go in so many directions.

As far as school goes I can’t return until it’s all paid off, understandably. So I’m just gonna be living here for a while working I guess. It’s a predicament to be sure. But God has a plan and I’m trusting in Him because there’s really not much I can do.

And no I cant get another loan because of the co-signer thing, no I cant get a grant at least I haven’t been able to as of yet, and a scholarships will only cover this upcoming year not this past year. So thinking of fundraisers and things I could sell that would give me some money to start paying off the debt.

Any suggestions are welcomed and of course prayer is always welcomed.

Thanks for listening to my splurge J Have a great day!

What I found inside myself...

Distraction- that which distracts, divides the attention, or prevents concentration…

I’ve gotten distracted from why God sent me here. I got distracted from the promise God made me. I lost my focus.

Insipid- Lacking qualities that excite, stimulate, or interest; dull.

I found my life to be insipid. I got distracted by insipidity. How can that happen? Well I stopped looking ahead and started focusing on the now. In a bad way.

Purpose- the reason for which something exists or is done, made, used…

I was made for a purpose. God told me to come here for a purpose. I loss track of that by getting all caught up in everyone else’s business.

Dear friends, bloggers, readers. I’m human. I am not perfect. I care, a lot, and have allowed people to take that for granted. I feel intensely… I am an artist and so therefore emotion is a huge part of my life. I care for all of you, but I cant always be there and give you advice. And to be honest, it gets exhausting sometimes. And I get all caught up more because I feel like nothing is happening in my life. But it’s not true. I lied to myself. I allowed myself to get distracted because I didn’t want to face those things that I knew I needed to deal with.

It’s true that I did have many things I learned and dealt with this last year and many of, if not all, of you have helped in one way or another. But there was something that I continued to struggle with that I kept pushing aside thinking that it was me trusting God. But I wasn’t. I was scarred and didn’t have answers so I ignored the problem hoping by some providence that it would handle itself. But it didn’t. And now its come to this…

My name is Jessica Myers. I am not perfect. And money and finances scare me. No, they terrify me. Well they did. Then one day I finally sat down and told God my real problem. And I was ashamed of what I said. It was horrible and disrespectful to the great God that I serve. But you know what he did, he told me “thank you, thank you for finally being honest.” He knew all along what my problem was. And he just held me as I cried it all out. And then he looked me in the face and reminded me of what he had already done. And He showed me why He was gonna take care of me. Not how, but why… It’s really the most important thing ever, I think, for every situation where I doubt in Him. Where we doubt in Him.

Love. He loves us. How cliché I know, but I’ve come to the point several times in my life where I realized that I didn’t actually understand His love for me. And I don’t mean mentally. I can rationalize and theologize it over and over. But when I move past the intellectual and move into those deep parts of my heart that I hide from even myself, I find that I don’t understand His love for me.

And now, I wont say that I 100% do know his love, because if I did I think I would be a very different person. But I understand it on a new level and I know that as I grow, I will continue to learn and better understand this love he has for me.

I’m not scarred anymore of what’s going to happen with this situation in my life. If it’s taken to court then its taken to court. God will give me favor and grace. He will honor his promise to me. To take care of me. No matter what.

Summer fun

Last summer- Valley of the Giants. Amazing.... love summer adventures

It's not over

Hey Friends. It’s been a little while since I updated.

I'm still working at Ruby Tuesdays. And to be honest I had almost given up hope on possibly attending Regent in the fall. However because God loves me he has put it in my friend’s hearts to fundraise for me. I'm so honored that they care so much to help me graduate. And also today I heard news that my academic advisor might have a plan on me attending in the fall. I have to set up a meeting with him to here these details but I'm excited and nervous at the same time. I want to attend classes in the fall, but it's hard for me to see right now.

When God asked me if I would be ok with not going to class in the fall, I felt like it meant not going. I know sometimes just asks to see what we say or do, but under my circumstances it was very believable. And now... I was looking at some old writings of mine on another blog and God's asked me to give u a dream before. And so it wasn't a surprise. But then I had to sit and ask myself do I really believe I serve a God who keeps taking me away from the dreams he's placed in me? God doesn't want to see me fail.

Most everybody has there own hurts and trust issues. And to each person its deep and personal and not something we think other people can understand. This is how I feel. I mistrust God with my future because I've been hurt so deeply. And God was protecting me in those times I just couldn't see it. I sit here and ask myself how much is God gonna ask me to sacrifice and give up? And then I realized, He asked for all of it.

It’s such a deep slap in the face when you think you're giving your all to God and then you see how much of your flesh you've actually held back. You see yourself in a whole new light. However you can’t dwell on it and have a spiritual pity party. It’s a painful process peeling of the layers of flesh and laying them on the alter and simply trusting God to be Himself, God… the creator and maker of the universe and the lover of your soul.

So I have 8 weeks before school starts again and I believe God can change things. How I thought my life at Regent was going to be certainly isn’t the case… but it’s not time for me to leave yet. I still have learning to do, and I still have lives to touch.

Jeremiah 29:11

Update on life...

So update on my life… I’m looking for a second job because Ruby Tuesday just isn’t going to cut it. I’ve applied at the school for three different positions. I’m concerned that the fact that I’m not in good financial standing is gonna be a problem but I’m praying through it. I mean I need a job in order to pay off tuition. I have some great friends though. My friend Julie has been coming up with ideas and ways to get me money to give the school. At the moment we are working on getting some kids together to do a car wash. I’m excited about it. And I feel honored to have friends care so much about my college education.

In other news. I’m going to the eye doctor on Friday. Secret about me… I’m not a fan of the eye doctor. I asked Tianna to accompany me because I dislike it that much. I haven’t been to the eye doctor in so long. I want to say maybe since I was 13 or 14… maybe earlier… I’m not sure. Ok so I’m a little scared. More because I’m scarred they’ll tell me I need glasses. I know glasses aren’t a big deal anymore. But I’ve had perfect vision since I was a little girl. But I have noticed I’ve had more headaches and I’ve been squinting at my computer and when I read. So they may just be reading glasses, but still. I find it interesting that this would bother me. But I really took my perfect eyesight for granted. No I did more than that. It is a hit to my pride in a sense. I was always so proud that I was the only in my family who didn’t need glasses. Although I have been told that its normal for kids need to get glasses once they reach college because their reading has enhanced. That’s weird that because I read more I need glasses. But oh well. If I need glass then I’ll need glasses. And I’ll just get over it, because it really isn’t a big deal.

So Sarah and I have been reading Shakespeare and going through this Shakespeare book. And it really has been great. And we practiced tap. I miss tap. I miss dancing. I also got her and Jen to give me contacts for voice lessons. I’m not sure I can afford it but I’m at least gonna look at it. I miss singing and I want to get my voice back up to par.

I really think that’s it for right now. Nothing crazy. Same ol same ol.

Yes I’m still working on the being content in the moment thing and not rushing ahead. It’s a hard thing for me to do, but I really do need to enjoy just this moment. Even if it’s a boring moment. Because I think I take life for granted. And I need to take it all in and really enjoy my life, even if its not where I thought I’d be or where I’d thought I’d be. I need to accept it and enjoy it.

i want to win a free trip to Africa

http://freeafricatrip.com/?fbid=7yX4DqThTHt

How He Loves Us

He is jealous for me – God, the creator of the universe, is jealous for me… FOR me… not OF me, but FOR… meaning he created me, he has plans and purposes for me, he wants to just spread his love on me… he is fiercely protective of his children and He wants us to be faithful to him as creator-

Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree – God’s love is like a hurricane… a hurricane- a violent wind, uproar or force… and we are trees in a hurricane… God’s love comes in and sweeps us up, uproots us, and surrounds us…-

Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy-being shaped under his protection into all that he has us to be, taking out our heart and replacing it with his…-

When all of a sudden, I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory- when the glory comes down and it’s no longer me, but God, moving within me… and I get what I call Jesus jerks…-

And I realize just how beautiful you are and how great your affections are for me- becoming fully aware of your excellence and how intense you feel about me…-

Oh, How he loves us so.

Oh, How he loves us

How He loves us so.- He has affection for us, even more so he finds pleasure in us.

Yeah, He loves us

Woah, How He loves us

Woah, How He loves us

Woah, how He loves.- Once again it’s so great it has to be repeated over and over in order for us to understand not just with our heads but with our hearts…-

So we are His portion- each one of us is a single part of a bigger group…-

And he is our prize- we get Him when we strive for Him…-

Drawn to redemption by the grace in his eyes- we see favor (approval) in his eyes and it draws us to repent and seek after him…-

If grace is an ocean we’re all sinking- if God’s favor were an ocean.. an OCEAN people, then we are being submerged into his grace which is his favor for us, fully covered, drowning…-

So heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss- the sky and the ground meet in a passionate collision…-

And my heart turns violently inside of my chest- you’ve come to the full realization of how intense God feels for you..-

I don’t have time to maintain these regrets when I think about the way- I cannot continue to be sad or disappointed in my past actions or myself when I really direct my mind to understand…-

That he loves us.

Woah, How He loves us,

Woah. How He loves us,

Woah How He loves.

Yeah, He loves us,

Woah, How He loves us,

Woah. How He loves us,

Woah How He loves.

I do not think we can fully contain God’s love, because its so magnificent it could crush us. We cannot in our human bodies hold the power of God… but he does le us have sips of it.. and as we get use to the sips he’ll start letting us have sippy cups of it, then regular cups, then moving to pints, quarts and gallons… but its so intense and the more we walk into it, and walk in it, the farther we will be able to relate to this world we live in.. so if you cant handle people thinking you’re crazy, then walk away now, because it’s going to be a bumpy ride and God has crazy things in store but you have to be willing to give your all, and not care about anyone else’s opinion.

Are you ready to jump?