Process

It always the same thing.. Satan always hits me with everything at the same time. And he waits until I'm tired and exhausted to do it. To when I'm already at a weak vulnerable spot. And it gets me down. I would be lying if I said it wasn't a downer. But through my struggle I remember his promises that I am his child. That he loves me and has great plans for me. And even though this is a broken season a season where i feel like I'm being stripped and stretched and pulled in every direction, it's going to be a good thing. And Satan only attacks because he's scared of the God thing that's coming.

I'm working on my relationships and trying to be more open and honest instead of hiding like I tend to do and yes even though I brush a lot of things off my shoulders, it's not all healthy to do. I don’t always have to be strong and tough. And it scares me to be in this place of brokenness but I need it. I need t to see the things God wants me to get rid of. The deep things that I didn’t realize still had root in my life.

This is a painful season and adding school and friends and family and all of there things into the mix doesn’t make it easier. But it's a good a pain. The pain you feel after your body's had a good work out. It hurts but you know that it means things are changing in your body and you're getting healthier and better fit. These are the same spiritual pains I seem to have of late.

Uncomfortable, draining and exhausting, but good pain. Pain, that once I get through with it and breathe through it, I will be a stronger person. A different person. A better person.

It took me a while to see what this process was but I see it now. And seeing that its going to be good in the end is why I’m still fighting and sticking with it. Because if I give up now... then Satan wins. And if I give up now.. I’m saying that I didn’t trust God to take care of me and to provide for me. if i give up then I’m saying that I don’t believe God is who he says he is and that he wont keep his word to me. Me call God a liar? The thought devastates my spirit man.

I know how good my God is. And I know he would never give me anything I couldn’t handle. And I know that even when I can’t seem to hear what he's saying… He’s still by my side… He’s still in every breeze and every laugh and every moment I take to see what he's created. And what he's already done in my life.

I'm in my process, and I’m not the only one in this place. I'm not alone. God didn’t create us to handle things alone. And that's good.

No.

That's great.

Hank you God for being me God, and taking care of me and protecting me even in my own mistakes.

Love Jessica