May lessons

So I didn’t get the part in The Secret Garden but it was fun auditioning and it was good to get out of Regent. I’m going to continue to look up auditions in the area and try out. Really get myself out there you know?

In other news I got to go home for a night and a day. That was really good for me to see my family. We caught up on everything. I stayed up until 3 talking to my cousin and then my nephews woke me up at 7… fun… I was tired but it was good to be at my home church on the day of Pentecost. And to see everyone. I surprised my parents. They weren’t expecting to see me. That was fun J

Something I’ve noticed for a while is my sisters attitude towards me. She loves me I know but she’s always trying to compete with me for my parents attention. As a matter of fact she competes with me for everyone’s attention. I mean I had just gotten home and instead of talking about all that had been occurring in my life my sister was talking about things that occurred when she lived in Texas. I don’t tend to care as in it doesn’t hurt me. I’m not really into competing for attention anymore.. it just makes me so sad for her that she has to be that way. And my sister is very sarcastic and outspoken but when you’re sarcastic with her or dish to her what she dishes to you she gets offended. She’s 25 and has 5 year olds tantrums. It makes me so sad that my sister and I use to be close then we grew apart because she matured and now we’re separate because I’m more mature. It’s so strange. She used to be someone I would look up to but now I just pity her.

And its true that I get a bigger reaction out of people when I return from somewhere but I mean she’s been in Texas for 3 years and no one really knows her. She’s been back for 3 months and still hasn’t connected with anyone in the church. It’s so sad.

In other things… I’m glad I’m living here in Va Beach for the moment. People asked if I was home for the summer and being home I saw how I’d been fine and happy at home. But at the same time I knew I was suppose to be her for the moment. It’s like my sister and I have traded places. I’m now out of the house and living on my own going to school and working. And my sister is home.

I sometimes wonder if I’ve made a judgment or inner vow when I was little that I need to take care of.

I use to look up to my sister and then I didn’t want to be anything like her… an now I just pity her.. they way she is… the way she’s become. I know being at home will be good for her. I really hope to see her grow being at church.

Anyway moving on. Things I’ve learned and something that God has been working on me is that I’m never content in the moment and I’m always trying to jump ahead to something new.. but I rush my life away that way.. so I’m working on being happy in the moment and really just enjoying everything as it comes and not trying to rush to the next thing.. I realize I’m less stressed this way

Also I’ve realized how chill it is when I don’t know everybody’s business.. I mean I care about my friends and of course I want to be there for them but I realize.. well I’ve known for a while that I live through others people vicariously and need to stop doing that because I have my own life and need to focus on it. And I’m a lot less stressed when I don’t know everything about everyone…. I’m such a burden barer.

This time in my life is just very… relaxing and free.. and that’s good.